We love you, Tina Fey!Tina Fey, head writer of Saturday Night Live and Weekend Update Co-anchor, is the funniest person in America, hands down. She's intellegent, cute, sarcastic, observant, did I say cute? On Saturday, Jan. 19th, Tina went off on an Enron tirade that still has me laughing!
I figured out that Republicans are geniuses because they keep their scandals so incredibly boring that people will stop paying attention to them. Democratic scandals have words like "fondle" , "intern", "murder". Republican scandals have words like "oversight sub-comittee chairman" and "partially exempted multilateral platforms". Come on, so boring!
Basically the Enron executives ran off with hundreds of millions of dollars, and let their employees lose their entire life savings. It's like basic evil guy stuff, like tying ladies to railroad tracks or trying to take over the world with a laser beam. Also, Enron had all these shady foreign subsidiaries to avoid taxes. They had 692 subsidiaries in the Cayman Islands. "What you do for a job man? I braid the white girls hair by the cruise ship, I sell a little weed, den on the weekends me a CEO for a subsidiary of Enron!"
Now Enron's accounting firm Arthur Andersen is in trouble because they destroyed several months worth of Enron documents. Okay, in this day and age - how could you possibly not know if you shred documents you're gonna get in trouble? It's like if your girlfriend says "Hey, lets go on the Jenny Jones show, I have a surprise for you". How could you not know that's bad? It's not gonna be good!
Then on Friday, Enron fired Arthur Andersen as their accounting firm. Like that's gotta be a blow, to fired by a totally bankrupt company? It's like Tom Green divorcing Drew Barrymore. You know Drew was like "So, you're getting rid of me? That's amazing."
So now, the government is investigating the whole thing but John Ashcroft had to recuse himself because Enron donated money to his campaign, same thing with President Bush, Dick Cheney, Joe Leiberman has recused himself, the commerce secretary, the treasury secretary...
Basically, the only person in the country without any kind of tie to Enron is that kid from the Dell computer commercial. But I'm sure Steve will get to the bottom of this, 'cause he's a very bright boy."